most dreaded day of the year!

so tomorrow is my wedding anniversary and yes for me its the most dreaded day of the year!

i would rather get my yearly well woman check up and physical than deal with this day!!

my husband and i have been married 4 years (tomorrow of course) and we have been together almost 6 years now. yet we have NOT spent one anniversary together ever!

i know it seems petty and i get to see him the rest of the year and we have other special days and blah blah blah. well to me its a big deal!

our first anniversary he was adjusting to army life and our son and i were in the process of moving to be with him. our second anniversary he was out on an army mission. our third anniversary he was in iowa and i was in arizona packing the house and tying up loose ends so i could move us to iowa to be with him. our fourth anniversary i am in iowa with our older son and pregnant with our second son and he is in north dakota for work.

every year we celebrate before or after but just once i would like to celebrate on the actual day! usually on our anniversary i make myself and our older son a nice dinner and then once he is in bed i take a nice hot bubble bath and enjoy a glass of wine or two and try not to be sad. this year i can’t even do that because i am pregnant!

i am grateful that my husband has a great job. i am thankful my husband is not deployed. i am grateful that i have a wonderful husband, a loving marriage, a great family and a new baby on the way but i still wish to celebrate a special day with my husband!

other days of the year arent so important and yes he is usually gone for my birthday, our sons birthday, valentines day and several others. those i can do without but just once someday i would like to be in the same state, in the same town, in the same place as my husband on our wedding anniversary so we can celebrate together!

we joke that we should have known that anniversaries were never going to work out when we sent the to of our wedding cake to his mothers ice cream store to be put in the deep freezer and saved for our first anniversary and some employees thought it was just cake and ate it. so we never got to have our wedding cake a year later either.

i am not sure if its my hormones making me crazy about this tonight but i just want to cry!


my husband!

i know i already posted once today and it was super long but i really need to tell people how wonderful my husband has been!

right before we discovered we were pregnant my husband and i were starting marriage counseling because we felt our relationship was at its end. we loved each other but we weren’t in love and we were drifting apart. we wanted to put every effort into our relationship to make sure if it did end we felt satisfied with what we tried to do to save it instead of just walking away. we planned date nights, family nights, family trips and games. we set time aside to have coffee every morning and reconnect. we turned of the tv nightly at6pm and did family dinner and then family time until 9pm when our older son went to bed. it worked we were starting to get back on the same page and our feelings were returning. but we were both ready for a baby that we had been trying for for so long.

if you haven’t struggled with infertility you cant know the strain and heartache it puts on a relationship. in all honesty the biggest problem we had was the fact we tried for 4 years and couldn’t have a baby. it was really important to my husband. important enough that he even said if we couldn’t have a baby he didn’t think he could stay in our marriage. yes it hurt but i understood. i wanted a baby too! we went to the doctor and got the referral to the fertility doctor.

well a week before our appointment and 3 days before my 30th birthday we discovered we were pregnant! after 4 years of trying and so many miscarriages and losing a tube we were really pregnant! it took a few weeks to set in even after the doctors appointments, the blood work and the ultrasounds it seemed so surreal almost too good to be true! my husband had an even harder time accepting it as really because he was afraid we would lose it like the others. well when 14 weeks rolled around and my belly was getting big and round my husband finally got excited!

i had some spotting and pains so i went to the er and was told it was pre term labor. well i was put on very strict bed rest. i felt like a failure. like i finally had what we wanted and my husband finally was excited and here it was about to slip through my fingers again. i cried a lot and just told him how useless and helpless i felt. my husband is not a mushy person by any means and he crawled into bed with me one morning after he was already for work and snuggles me up in his arms and says “its ok your most important job is to cook that baby as long as you can. the rest i can handle” he gave me a kiss on my forehead and left for work.

a few weeks later after weekly doctor appointments and tests things were getting better and baby was growing and getting stronger. i was allowed to get up and take my son to and from school (a mile down the road). well one morning after my husband left i got super sick and couldn’t even stand up. i called and texted my husband to see if he could turn around and take our son to school. he called a little while later from work and when he heard my voice on the phone he rushed home to help me. he took our son to school and then came home to see what i needed and went to get me crackers and ginger ale and then went back to work. he called every hour to check on me and left early to pick our son up from school.

this is when i noticed the change in him. he started helping around the house with cleaning, dusting, dishes and laundry. he cleaned both bathrooms and steam cleaned the couch. he catered to my every whim and craving and to this day he hasn’t stopped!

he talks to my belly and falls asleep rubbing it every night. he holds me tight and sleeps draped around my tummy. if he cant sleep he wakes up and just rubs my belly or rests his hands there to feel bryson move. he is the first to jump up when i squirm on the couch or in bed. he hates to leave my side and when he is gone he checks in constantly. he has arranged transportation to the hospital (if early labor starts) with 4 of our neighbors just in case he is out of town for work. he has informed his job he cant travel farther than 2 hours from the house for work just in case.

my relationship isn’t perfect and we realized that if you want to save it you really have to put in the work. but i can say my marriage has changed for the better and so has my husband. i thank him all the time and tell him how much i love him but i felt like i needed to share with others the amazing and supportive person he is being. i couldn’t ask for a better person in my life and my children’s lives.

vacation my ass!!!

ok so my husband had an army training event that he had to attend in new york. he is from new york so our 8 year old son was there visiting and my doctor cleared me to go as well as long as i adhered to my bed rest schedule and took it easy.

well the day we left my husband chipped his tooth and my pit bull mix went into heat (poor dog sitter)… so that day started off a little rough! then while on the 18 hour road trip from Iowa to new york my husbands pay check was not direct deposited on time into our account so we had to borrow $100 for gas money from his parents to get us through. yes we jumped the gun and left a day early counting on the pay check money to be in our account and get us through. oh well we made it to new york!

my mother in law was all hands on with my belly all the time. i know that she is just excited but i really don’t like people in my bubble! not to mention she was sad because bryson wouldn’t move for her at all… ever! so then she would touch my belly more and leave her hands on it longer!

my sister in law discovered that she is pregnant as well. she does not take care of her first born who is 5 years old now! my niece does not sleep through the night, wets the bed nightly, eats chicken nuggets and ketchup for breakfast lunch and dinner daily, still plays with a pacifier and talks like a baby. my sister in law does not discipline or raise her daughter. my niece spends 95% of her time at my in laws house. i dont think she even knows where home is!

well my sister in law let it “slip” that my mother in law was going to throw a little baby shower for me. Yay i was excited i was afraid we wouldn’t be able to do one because i have been on bed rest since 14 weeks! come to find out my sister in law didn’t let it slip on accident here was what she said to me:

“well my mom is having a baby shower for you and since the family will be here for it i am going to announce that i am pregnant too” my response “no you’re not! you can tell them on your own time! you see them all the time and i don’t. please don’t ruin the day for your brother and i” she again replied with “i don’t care i am still telling at the shower so i can tell everyone at once”

i was so upset i called my husband crying. i have had a baby shower before but he hasn’t and this is our last child. i wanted it to be special for him and i didn’t want his attention hogging sister trying to steal the spotlight! we have been trying for years for a baby and have many heart aches (as you know if you have followed along) and this is our little miracle man and i want it to be special for our family! my husband called his sister and had some heated words with her and she eventually agreed not to say anything at the party besides the fact that she was jumping ahead she was only 6 weeks by her estimate and still hadn’t been to the doctor to verify it!

my sister in law has a learning disability and peaked mentally at the age of about 15-16 years old. she is hard to handle because in conjunction with that she is manic depressive, has seizures and is bi polar. so she is stuck in the mentality that she has to be the center of attention at all times and she has to one up everyone. my husbands grand mother passed away a few months ago and she knew i was pregnant so she left a little money for a recliner or glider (her standard gift to the mom and baby every time the first grandchild was born) so we picked out the one we wanted and my mother in law bought it along with the convertible 4 in 1 crib and mattress. we were so thankful! we got rid of everything since our older son is almost 9 years old now! well my sister in law threw a fit and started looking for a new recliner (she got one 5 years ago when her daughter was born) and my mother in law told her she wasn’t getting a new one because she has one. then she started looking at cribs and demanding a new one of those since we were getting one (my niece never used her crib and its not a drop side and its in perfect condition so she doesn’t need a new crib) and my mother in law again shot her down. well my sister in law lost her grip screamed and yelled and stormed out and left. she was either so mad or just didn’t care but she left her daughter at my in laws and didn’t call to check on her the rest of the night!

a few days later i got suckered into going to my sister in laws first ob appointment. well her doctor made it a point to sit there for 10 minutes and tell me how large i am, how low my baby is and how i will never make it to my due date (October 28th). he then proceeded to tell me how irresponsible my ob is to let me travel so late in my pregnancy and he wanted to see a copy of my records because he was afraid i was going to go into labor at any time. yep lets pick on the pregnant girl! well for the record i have lost 23 pounds total and just gained 6 pounds back at my 28 week appointment, i was 30 weeks when my sister in laws ob was bugging me, yes i carry low i did so with my older son too, my older son was a month early and he was fine!

needless to say so much more happened but those are a few of the “highlights” of the trip!

well our road trip home was no better than the one to get there! we had a tire blow out on our truck on the highway while doing 75 mph! it didn’t just blow out it shredded! so it tore up the wheel well, broke the fog light, broke the headlight and damaged the front fender and bent up metal around the wheel well. we had to call roadside and wait for a tow truck. we got to the tire shop and our truck apparently has HUGE tires on it so for 1 tire it was $300 dollars! yep shoot me now! we replace it and drive home. well the damage to the wheel well included damage to the wiring for the lights so for 13 hours we listened to a dinging noise telling us a light was out. my husband pulled the fuse and taped up the wire and looked for the chime box. nothing worked! 13 hours of dinging is unbearable just so you know!

we get home and our 2nd dog is in heat now! my son starts school the next day and i have an ob appointment. well at my ob i find out that at 31 weeks my little person is head down and engaged and ready to come out so we are now on baby watch! i am to time contractions and head to the hospital when they are 7 minutes apart, if my water breaks, if i feel abnormal amounts of pressure, or if i lose my mucus plug or have bloody show… fantastic news! i am also back on strict bed rest to help baby stay in a little longer but doc said if labor starts he wont stop it!

good thing the crib and mattress got here yesterday and the glider will be here today and the car seat/stroller combo will be here by the weekend. i have already planned my husbands honey do list and its all about getting the nursery together! oh my so much to do!



Travel and in laws

Well we made it to new York in one piece and my husband is off at west point for army training.

My niece is as cute as ever even though she is hard to handle! My sister in law is also pregnant which is not the best thing. She cant take care of her 5 year old daughter!

I have had a headache from hell for the last two days so sleep has evaded me! I am a grouch! I started a new blanket for my niece in various shades of purple and she cant wait to have it.

My son is happy to have me around because he missed me soooo much lol! I love my midget!

Other than that not much is going on. I will go into more detail with everything when I have more time.

oh joy!

my glucose tolerance test was last Monday and i failed it! i failed it horribly… by over 50 points! so i was scheduled to take the 3 hour tolerance test. the more that i researched it i learned that i had to up my carbs to at least 300g a day and i cant do that because of my weight loss surgery. i was sick all day after the one hour test. i contacted my old nutritionist and talked to her about it and told her my reaction to the one hour test. she told me that if i got that sick after only an hour there is a chance that i could be hospitalized because i would be so sick from the sugar. my body doesn’t process it at all. i don’t keep sugar foods or snacks in my house and we don’t drink soda. so my nutritionist said that i should talk to my doctor and see if there is a way to just skip the 3 hour test and go straight to the nutritionist here and talk about my diet and see if anything needs to be changed. 

thankfully my doctor consulted with his partner (another ob) and the midwife in the office and none of them have had a patient that has had weight loss surgery and is now pregnant so they didn’t know how to handle it. my ob called the nutritionist that i would be referred to and discussed everything with her and she told him everything that my old nutritionist told me and they agreed to just skip the 3 hour test and move right onto the diet. i will be getting a kit to check my blood sugar 2 times a day on top of the diet just to make sure and cover everyone’s butt!

so i am so excited… i thought that i was actually going to cry when my ob called and said he agreed with me. it made me feel as though i picked the right doctor for my child and i. i don’t know many doctors that actually take a patient up on their opinion.

i also have to try and get in to see my regular family doctor for a referral to a dermatologist i think. i found a mole that i have never really paid much attention to near my pelvic bone and it seems to have gotten much larger. i also have a mole on my face that bugs me but is hidden by my glasses. i am hoping that i can be seen soon and that its no big deal and maybe just getting bigger because of the weight gain or extra blood flow from pregnancy.

we are driving to new york on Thursday… i got clearance from my doctor and copies of all my records and i just cant wait! i cant wait to get out of the house and i really cant wait to see my older son! he has been with family for almost a month now!!!

school starts for him soon and i cant believe that my lil man will be in 3rd grade. i am feeling so old! we have to do some back to school shopping too! he loves to do that so i think that i will take him when we are in new york.

we cleaned out most of the office and moved it to the spare room upstairs… ok my husband did the moving! i am now able to start cleaning the floors and windows in what will now be the nursery. i am so over the moon about this! i also started making the mobile for the baby’s room. next i plan on doing the curtains and the vinyl decals for the walls. i have made him a few blankets so i cant wait until he gets to use those too! everything feels like its coming a little more together.

with my first son i was a single mom and so nervous by this stage of the pregnancy the whole room was put together and all the clothes were washed and ready since i didn’t know when he would come! well he was a month early so i am glad i got it all ready early! this baby i have been on bed rest and not able to do much so i feel so behind and not prepared. with my husband traveling so much for work he tries to help when he is home but he is so tired. i cant wait for when he takes time off to just help and prepare for the baby.

oh the ramblings of a pregnant woman… i hope that it made sense and you were able to follow along because the farther i get in pregnancy the less of my brain i seem to be able to access.

i am a hot mess!

so i am going to be upfront with everyone (and since other pregnant women are the only ones reading this be prepared for tmi) so i will apologize now!

i didnt cry when i put my son on the pane. i cried after he was on the plane and couldnt see me! i cried so hard i got a bloody nose! the airlines made me wait until the plane was in the air so about 45 minutes after putting him on the plane i was allowed to leave the airport. by the time the i was able to leave i was crying so hard i was on the verge of hyperventilating. i was stopped by a tsa agent who demanded that i wait for an emt to check me out because he swore i was in labor. when i was finally calm enough to explain i am emotional and very pregnant and just put my son on a plane by himself for the first time and i wont see him for 6 weeks the tsa guy turned red and felt dumb so he called off the emt. then i finally make it outside and see my son forgot something in the back seat of the car so i start crying again. it takes another 20 minutes to calm myself down to drive the 5 miles home. on the way home i see a chevy malibu (its what we drive) and call belly button and then break into tears all over again because i have no one to play belly button with. where we live there are lots of cars like ours so we call them belly buttons (because everyone has one) and we play belly button instead of slug bug or punch buggy. i finally make it home and my husband calls me and i start crying again and this time so hard i am choking. my husband is out of state and all he can do is laugh at me. he keeps apologizing for laughing but he doesnt know what else to do. so for the rest of the day i laid in bed and cried. i seriously did nothing! my eyes balls burned and i was so exhausted the next day… just plain worn out!

my husband came home a few nights later and since we have had no time alone we were excited to be intimate. we took a shower together and he took me to a nice dinner it was great… until we got home. no matter what position we tried it hurt and it hurt bad like i was on the verge of tears but husband has been out of town so long and i really wanted to so we kept pushing on. then i had to pee so i ran to the bathroom. we changed positions again and i could feel my vagina pounding and it hurt and then i had to pee again. then he was on top and i farted and that did make me cry. i got up and ran to the bathroom again this time bawling! my husband convinced me to come back to bed and lay down with him. he just held me and kissed me and told me he loved me and it was ok and we could try another time. then he started to kiss me and put his arm around me and it was going well and then the baby kicked him. needless to say we have decided that we are not having sex until this baby is out because i cant go through another episode of this and my husband thought it was too weird to be kicked by the baby when trying to be intimate.

then the other night i was telling my husband one of these days my boobs are going to start leaking. i could feel it coming. he laughed and said yeah right. well 2 nights later after brushing my teeth and getting all ready for bed i walk into our room and my husband cracks up. after a few minutes when he calms down he points out the wet spots on  my tank top. i had started leaking…. gggrrr! he really did think that i was kidding about it all.

i also ended up in l&d on sunday because out of nowhere i got really sick. i was vomiting and had “the poops” as my son calls it. i couldnt keep water down and standing up made me dizzy. then i had a horrible pain on my left side and all along my lower back. i called my ob and he said to head into l&d because he was there and he would check me out. so when we got there i was given fluids and monitored and given meds to help keep me from vomiting. they also discovered that i was having mild contractions and so they gave me the shot for lung maturity just in case (since i am already on bed rest for risk of pre term labor) and meds to stop the contractions. i was kept for observation and sent home on monday. i am back on strict bed rest.

this last week has been one that i would rather not repeat so it has to get better!!!



only wednesday… are you sure?!?!

today my son goes on his first plane ride alone and i am so stressed out about it! he is only 8 years old and i feel he is just too young to fly alone but i am on bed rest and he is going stir crazy and we have family that is able to watch him.

my husband is also out of town for work this week so i am taking him to the airport by myself… yep i am prepared for a meltdown! after the dryer is done i will finish packing for my son. he is more concerned with his nintendo ds and what games he is taking than making sure he has enough socks and underwear… oh the joy of boys!

i guess him being gone for a few weeks will be good. my husband and i can spend more time alone together before the baby comes. i can get all my nesting done before baby comes and without the interruption of entertaining another child. i can get the nursery set up and decorated. i will be able to sleep in for a change… ok maybe there are a few pros but still i will miss him so much! i just hate being away from him for so long!

we did our hospital tour on sunday and i am very happy with the hospital that we decided on. its got a great staff and they just finished renovating the whole maternity ward and nurseries. the operating rooms are new and right down the hall from the patient rooms so you dont have to go to another section of the hospital for your c-section. there are 2 nurseries and a total of 60 rooms. the hospital also has a new state of the art nicu and a childrens hospital attached. there are two anesthesiologists that are permanent on the maternity floor so they are always available and you dont have to wait for one that is else where in the hospital. there is a great main waiting area with tons for older siblings to do and a park/playground outside the waiting room to play on! 

well my next appointment is in 2 weeks and i get to to the glucose test and i am not looking forward to it!! i hated it with my older son and nearly got sick. i told my doctor i dont really like sugar and its not a big part of my diet so he said if i do get sick from it this time then i will have to go in weekly for bloodwork to check my sugar levels. he wont make me do the 3 hour test so yay for that!

23 weeks 2 days!

its amazing to think that in just a few short weeks my new lil man will be here! time has passed so quick! in the beginning it felt like it was going to take forever and now here we are 15-17 weeks away from holding this little miracle!

now to get busy around the house… oh lord so much to do! i have to pack up the downstairs office so husband can move it to the new upstairs office and then move our room into the old office and the nursery into our old room. i already combined my older sons room and his playroom and turned the playroom into the guest room and the old guest room into the new office. goodness if only i would have known when i moved in a year ago that a baby was in the works i would have set the house up right the first time!

we did go and create the baby registries for our baby shower and i am so excited about that. i was going to go to arizona and do a big friends and family shower but since i am still on bed rest traveling is not an option so immediate family and my best friend will be traveling out to us and then we will do the shower at our house with a few local friends as well.

we have decided that the baby’s name is bryson joseph and his room will be jungle themed. i am going to cut out some vinyl monkeys and vines to put up in the room. right now i am crocheting him a multi blue blanket. i also painted him a ceramic elephant with his name on it for his room. i love feeling the connection to the baby and making things for him and his room that will be special to him as he gets older! i also have to make the same blankets in the same colors for my older son because he has demanded it!

my older son is going to new york to stay with my in laws for 2-3 weeks so that he can play around and visit family and be active since mommy is on bed rest and boring. i am just thankful for family that has the ability to have him visit and help us out.

we bought my husband a truck yesterday so he can ride the dirt bikes we have and go camping and playing around. other than that my life is pretty calm and boring! i hope that everyone has a safe holiday and happy 4th of july!

Father’s day and summer break!

Yesterday was Father’s day and since I am still on bed rest we didn’t do much and I felt horrible! On Saturday we went out motorcycle riding… ok I didn’t go… I sat in the tent at the dirt bike park and did word searches, crocheted my baby blanket and stayed hydrated. The boys had fun on their dirt bikes though and that is what mattered most!

On Sunday we took daddy to breakfast at our favorite place and then we were going to go mini golfing (my doctor ok’d it as long as I promised to stop if I felt I was overdoing it) and after breakfast my stomach decided that it was sick so we came home. I felt so bad and like such a bad wife/mommy because both my husband and my son were looking forward to going. After my long nap we had lunch and decided to try again. The place was packed and it was hot as hell out! I made it through 11 holes and then felt like I was going to pass out. I headed to the car and enjoyed the ac and relaxed with the seat back. I started having braxton hicks contractions and back pain so we headed home and I was back in bed.

Overall not the best Father’s day! My husband was happy we were all together and he got to ride his dirt bike so in his eyes it was a success. I guess that is all that matters! I love that man more and more every day and could never imagine my life without him. He is a great Father and a wonderful husband. I am so lucky!

My son is home for summer. He is 8 years old and a busy body which is not working out so well for a mommy on bed rest. He constantly wants to go out and do things. I feel bad saying no. We got a kiddie pool for the back yard to he plays in that a few times a day while i sit in the shade in a lounge chair with my feet and legs up. When my husband is home they go fishing a lot. I take him to the local video store 2 times a week to pick out movies and games. I am trying to teach him how to use a loom to make a scarf. We play card games and board games but its not the same for him.

I think that part of him is happy to be getting a brother but mad because we can’t go do all the things that he wants to. I try to do what I can but I can’t push it or I ended up sick and in pain and back in bed. I just don’t know what to do for him!!

My husband is out of town for work this week and our housemate went to Texas for the next 3 months! I promised my son that if he can be super good this week that we can go with daddy next week for a few days out of town and stay at his hotel with him. He loves to do that! I don’t like that I feel like I am bribing my child but at this point I have to do something to keep his eyes on the prize!

Anyone have suggestions for summer activities that don’t require much energy or strength? Any help would be very appreciated!!!


well its been hectic!

a lot has happened lately! my husbands grandmother passed away from stage 4 lung and liver cancer and the next day his dad had a heart attack and major surgery! then 2 days later i was in the hospital again because i couldn’t feel our baby move anymore.

while at the hospital they couldn’t find the baby with the doppler and that was concerning me! so they ordered a 3d ultrasound to see what was going on. well baby is down super low in the birth canal and ready to go… only problem is that baby is about 21 weeks too early! the only good news i received that night was we are having another boy!!!

so i was placed back on bed rest after only having 4 days of freedom!!! i haven’t had contractions and i am not dilated but they want me to take it easy and well honestly do nothing because if labor starts my lil man is too young to save!

my husband was supposed to leave for army drill the next day and that was cancelled because the doctors don’t want me alone. basically i need a babysitter to make sure i do what i am supposed to. i feel like i am 2 years old and in trouble! so my husband is allowed to work from home for his main job or if he needs to go to the office he can because its only 8 minutes away.

i have taken up a new hobby or craft and started knitting and crocheting. i am still learning but i have made a blanket for the new baby and now i am working on one for my older son. it is nice to feel like i am accomplishing something at the end of the day. my son is on summer break and i cant do much with him so we are in talks with the family to have him go visit for a week or two at a time. we have a large family and no one that lives in the same state as us.

yesterday my darling husband took me to the ultrasound place and got the baby’s heartbeat recorded and put into a stuffed monkey to match the jungle theme nursery that we are planning. he also took me to our local farmers market (very little so not much walking) and got me tons of fresh fruit and vegetables. then i saw it… an authentic greek restaurant’s lunch truck (i have been wanting a good authentic gyro since i left california 9 years ago) and they smelled amazing! i got one for dinner and loved every bite and for dessert i got two lemon squares and fresh squeezed lemon juice! overall the most perfect thursday that  ever was!!!!

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